11 - Results Make Love Real

5 minutes

You knew what you needed to do.

You had the conversation figured out in your head.
You knew the promise needed to be kept.
You knew what was best.

And then the day ended, and nothing had changed.

Results Make Love Real

Last week, we asked three questions:

What is true?
What is best?
What should I do?

Those questions matter.

But there is still one question left:

Did it become real?

Love wants and does what is best.
Wisdom helps love know what is best and how to achieve it.

But wanting and knowing are not enough.

A good intention does not repair the relationship.
A good insight does not strengthen the child.
A good plan does not help the team unless someone makes it happen.

Wanting doesn’t make love real.
Knowing doesn’t make it real.

Taking action is what makes what is best real.
It turns love and wisdom into Results.

The Outcome Is Not the Whole Result

It is easy to think getting Results is all about making a desired outcome happen.

The outcome matters.

Sometimes it matters enormously.

Did you make the shot and win the championship?
Did you catch the mistake before the team lost the account?
Did the surgery save her?

But there is more to Results than the external outcome.

Every action produces Results in three places.

The outcome: What happened?

Your Becoming: Who did you become through what you thought and did?

Trust: Did trust in your relationships grow or weaken?

Outcome. Becoming. Trust.

The three places Results show up.

Imagine you are standing outside a building and see someone approaching with a heavy load. You recognize an opportunity to practice love, and you open the door.

You ease the person’s burden. That is the external outcome.

You get another rep practicing love. You become more loving.

You experience yourself following through, and the other person experiences your help. Trust grows.

Love made you want what was best. Wisdom helped you see how to help. Action made Results real in all three places.

The Desired Outcome Is Not Guaranteed

You can seek wisdom, practice love, go all-in, and still not get the outcome you wanted.

The desired outcome is never guaranteed.

The child may still choose poorly.
The relationship may still not heal.
The team may still lose.
The patient may still not make it.

That does not automatically mean love or wisdom failed.

You can become more loving and gain wisdom even when you don’t get the desired outcome.

Sometimes, looking back, you see that not getting the desired outcome turned out to be best.

Some of life’s biggest lessons are only learned through failure.

True Results Build Trust

Trust is not all-or-nothing.
Trust increases or decreases with Results.

Other people cannot see inside your heart or truly know your intentions.
But they can see what you do, the outcomes of your actions, and the person you are Becoming.

Trying can build trust. Delivering builds more.

Showing up when times are especially tough.
Acting with courage in the face of danger.
Getting it done amid chaos.
A problem actually solved, not just managed.

The more people experience you getting Results—delivering the outcome when possible and acting with greater love and wisdom—the more trust grows.

Even if you don’t get the desired outcome, trust can still grow when people experience your commitment to and love for them.

Absence, excuses, half-effort, avoidance, and promises without follow-through weaken trust.

When the Outcome Takes Over

There is another way to fail.

It is dangerous because it can look like success.

Once Results matter, it becomes tempting to make the desired outcome the whole point.

Win the argument.
Close the deal.
Hit the number.
Save the world.

Do whatever it takes.

But when the outcome becomes more important than love and wisdom, the outcome stops serving what is best.

It serves itself. Whatever-it-takes becomes Power.

Power promises one thing: I can get you what you want.

But it hides what it does to you.

If you lie to get the outcome, you are practicing dishonesty.
If you manipulate to get the outcome, you are practicing manipulation.
If you use people to get the outcome, you are practicing using people.

If you break love to get the outcome, breaking love is what you are practicing.

And you become what you practice.

You become less honest. Less wise. Less loving.

In a power relationship, what looks like trust isn't.
You rely on others only as far as you control them.
They comply with you only as far as they fear you.

Those relationships last only as long as your control and their fear hold.

Over time, love gets in the way of whatever-it-takes.
Love becomes a liability. A weakness.
Your power to achieve the outcome is limited by your capacity for love.

Here’s the deepest problem.

Either you go all-in on love—wanting and doing what is best—and become the kind of person who develops the high-trust relationships that bring Happiness and success.

Or you go all-in on whatever-it-takes—power—to force the outcome. Those relationships are grounded in power and fear. And when love gets in the way of using people to make it happen, power eventually requires you to eliminate the capacity for love that would stop you.

Or you keep moving between the two—practicing love here, exercising power there—and become a split person living a fragmented life.

Results include outcome, Becoming, and trust.

The deepest Result is who you become by pursuing the outcome.

Built by Reps

Every thought and action you practice while pursuing an outcome forms you.

Practice honesty under pressure, and you become more honest.
Practice courage when the outcome is uncertain, and you become more courageous.
Practice love when it costs you something, and you become more loving.

Practice manipulation, and you become manipulative.
Practice dishonesty, and you become dishonest.
Practice using people to win, and you become the kind of person who uses people.

Delivery is a habit.

So is avoidance.
So is excuse-making.
So is forcing.

Every time you carry love and wisdom into action, you practice becoming more loving and trustworthy.

Every time you stop short, you practice becoming someone who means well but does not deliver.

Every time you force the outcome by breaking love, you practice power and become less loving, less wise, and less trustworthy.

One Result Today

Pick one situation in your life that you have left hanging.

A task you need to complete.
A family member or friend who needs more of your time.
A promise you made but have not kept.

Ask:
What is true?
What is best?
What should I do?

Then take the next action that makes what is best real.

Not by forcing the outcome or cutting corners.

By carrying love and wisdom all the way through to action.

Afterward, look honestly at all three places Results show up.

What happened?
Who did I Become through the action?
Did trust grow?

One rep.

One Result.

Summary

Love wants and does what is best.
Wisdom helps love know what is best and how to achieve it.
Results make what is best real.

Results include the outcome, Becoming, and trust.

The desired outcome matters—sometimes enormously. Even if you don’t get it, you can still become better and build trust.

If the outcome becomes more important than love, whatever-it-takes—power—replaces love. You may get the outcome, but you become less loving, less wise, and less trustworthy.

Right Results build love, wisdom, and trust.

That is where Happiness and success come from.

Seek Wisdom. Practice Love. Get Results.

— Pete

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